Of Neih and Neihsayers



(Recap: The Pony in this post is the Pony from here, who first managed to rub the stones together to activate telepathic exchange)

This post is written by a Pony through Path1 Telepathy Network’s Live Teleplogging Service

Have you ever received a kick in the nuts from a Pony or a Horse? Or seen a Horse just act really mad during a Show Jumping game? Or even the Derby favourite losing inexplicably, in turn making you quite broke after all the bets?

They are not one-off instances. They are signs of a collective protest from Ponies and Horses. Wondering why?

Ever heard of ‘Horse Power?’ Or a ‘Prancing Horse’ logo? For ages you human folks have used us to describe speed, placing us on metal carts that does 1/2000th of a what a Horse can do and 1/13563rd of what a Pony can do. It’s a criminal injustice to not give us any token of appreciation.

And the food you give us totally sucks.

Ponies are actually very humble beings. I accept that the Horses do tend to get a bit prancy. But overall, we are patient, docile and extremely Neih-fearing. Neih, by the way is our accepted Deity. I’ve heard that a few of those Southerner breeds tend to follow Lord Hayworth. But we are trying to get them registered as a cult.

Many thought the telepathy thing was an accident. They are wrong. It was a gift from Neih. His Holy Hoofs have given us golden rules by which all Ponies (and to a lesser extent, Horses) live.

It should also be interesting to know that, even the first instance of creating fire included a Horse. According to the Horse Lores in our area, the story went something like this:

Plick plock plick plock plick plock

Went the Horse once called Sherlock

His manmate was bearded and grumpy

And his name was Good ol’ Stumpy.

Plick plock plick plock plick plock

At Linda’s door, he gave a knock.

Linda, if ye’ all didn’t know

Was the babe who was a bituvva hoe.

Plick plock plick plock plick plock

Stumpy saw Linda with another cock.

And stumpy being all grumpy,

Decided to duel this new wimpy.

Plick plock plick plock plick plock

Stumpy went and got a rock.

As he charged to strike poor Wimpy

Wimpy defended with another flinty.

Plick plock plick plock plick plock

Sparks flew to the tail of Sherlock.

And up in flames went his hairy rear

And that’s how men learnt how to make fire.

So you see, there’s a huge connect between how we have helped you chart your course as the most intelligent being in this planet. So it wouldn’t take much of an effort to support us in what’s a just cause.

We have formed a group in facebook called ‘Horses Against Ferrari.’ Do join us there if it means something to you. The reason you don’t see us in facebook is because we have facebarn. Zuckerberger tumbled into a pile of hay and decided he would make a human site called facebook.

ADDENDUM:

Neih’s Golden Rules for Quick Entry to Hayven

for Ponies and Horses prancing in and around the Grassland

(not applicable to followers of Lord Hayworth who, regardless of their ways of life, will be cast to a burning pile of Hay in Hayll)

1)      When in doubt, twitch your ears and THEN flick your tail

2)      Thou shall not raise your hind leg to another of yer types

3)      The grass is not greener on the other side

1. It is greener in a darkish sort of way when it has been trampled under your hooves

4)      Whisperers are to be avoided at all costs as most of them chew tobacco

5)      Don’t prance when you can gallop

6)      Make sure you are paid if used in bestiality videos (latest rates are available in the Holy Barns of Pranceperia)